Today, Jan and I celebrate
the forty-second anniversary of our meeting in Auburn , NY
I have been blessed for many
years now by a partnership with a woman that, while it’s sealed by marriage
vows, is a bargain I would freely choose again, and again -- and again.
Why? Because no matter where
I go, and with whom I associate, if she’s with me, then I’m with the nicest person in the
room.
She’s not perfect. She shares
many of the behavior traits with other women that mystify and sometimes
frustrate many men, including me: a passion for attractive jewelry, actually enjoying shopping (go figure!), a
compulsion to get the house ready for the arrival of the cleaning lady and, of
course, Oprah.
But that’s OK. I sure as heck
don’t want to be with someone who is too much like me, and these minor liabilities
are more than offset by the assets she brings to our partnership, things like a
surfeit of common sense, patience with many things, including things mechanical,
an ability to be up when I’m down, and, well, a gift for being so darn nice to
other people.
Many years ago, she told me
that she likes to end a conversation with another person with them feeling
better about themselves that when they began the conversation.
And based on the number of
good friends she has, she must be getting it right. “Good” is the key word here: these are people
for whom she would perform big favors, but I suspect that these people would
also be prepared to do big favors for her.
There was the co-worker last
week who was having a difficult time: her sister had a serious illness that
resulted in both of the sister’s feet being amputated, and the co-worker was
understandably distraught. She was sent to Jan by their boss, and the two women
talked for a while.
Jan carries with her religious
medals that have been blessed by two different Popes, and, after trying to
console the poor woman, gave her one of each to help lighten the load.
And as the woman left later
that day to visit her sister in the hospital, she made a quick stop by Jan’s
school room, thanked Jan for her time, confirmed what their boss had said to
her earlier that day about Jan’s being a good person to talk with about her
sister, and left for the hospital clutching the medals.
This is so different from me.
I’m not an unkind person, but I typically don’t make an extraordinary effort to
help or to console someone else. It’s so ironic to me that I’m paired with a
woman who possesses gobs and gobs of empathy – no doubt God had something in
mind. It can’t just be a coincidence.
In a Christmas Eve Mass a
couple years ago, the pews immediately before Mass began were very crowded. We
had arrived an hour before Mass to score some comfortable seats, and to hold some
space for others who arrived a little later.
A few minutes before Mass
began, there was an older man and his family who appeared briefly in the archway
leading to our section. They were looking for a seat or two.
Noticing our section was
full, they moved on. But not before my wife arose from her seat to retrieve the
man, and to assure him that, if we squeezed together just a little tighter,
why, there was plenty of room!
Me, I figured he should have
arrived earlier, like me, to get a good seat. Can you say “Bah, humbug?”
I got to watch her the other
day run a few computer classes in the elementary school in which she works. Her
young students range from Kindergarten through Fifth Grade. She manages the
classroom like a drill sergeant if the kids don’t behave – she will not
tolerate bad behavior or a lack of effort - but if they behave, she is patient,
helpful and kind.
She has “adopted” different
kids over the years, befriended them on a personal level sometimes outside of
the classroom, and all teachers know the rewards and occasional pitfalls
associated with that. But, despite having experienced some of her own
difficulties with this, she continues to help when she sees a need.
She spent over $100 a few
years ago on winter clothing for a young person, and worked with another
teacher to concoct a story that the clothing was the result of an award
sponsored by the school. She didn’t want credit for the kind deed; it was
enough to do what she felt was the right thing.
If we visit a Borders
bookstore, she spends most of her time in the section for children’s books. As
we check out, I am usually assured of at least a $50 bill for new books for the
classroom. The “Froggy” series of books are among her favorites.
Years ago, we brought one of
her young charges to an MSU-UM football game in East Lansing
It was pretty shocking, but
if you live with the nicest person in the room, you learn to live with all the
consequences. I’ve found it’s worth it.
